Time Tells All Tales

Sat, 23 Oct 2004 04:52:07 GMT

Love everything....love all experiences; you learn more...love all people; they teach you a lesson...love all tears; they are your emotion and who you are....love all laughter; it's food for the soul...love all pain; it teaches you to appreciate happiness...love all; love has a purpose!

Mon, 04 Oct 2004 03:01:18 GMT

The Scientist
By Coldplay

Come up to meet you,
Tell you I'm sorry,
You don't know how lovely you are.

I had to find you,
Tell you I need you,
Tell you I set you apart.

Tell me your secrets,
And ask me your questions,
Oh, let's go back to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Comin' up tails,
Its only science apart.

Nobody said it was easy,
It's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be this hard.
Oh, take me back to the start.

I was just guessing,
At numbers and figures,
Pulling the puzzles apart.

Questions of science,
Science and progress,
Do not speak as loud as my heart.

Tell me you love me,
Come back and haunt me,
Oh, when I rush to the start.

Runnin' in circles,
Chasin' tails,
Comin' back as we are.

Nobody said it was easy,
Oh, it's such a shame for us to part.
Nobody said it was easy,
No one ever said it would be so hard.
I'm goin' back to the start.

Oh-ooooh...
Aaaah...

---just a great song that hit the spot right now...
remembering...
crazy the way things work out sometimes....
oh well...ya take what ya get and ya live and learn with it

I love my mother

Mon, 04 Oct 2004 02:57:16 GMT

Lets see...I wrote...Monday night I think? Whelp...

I had a very nice birthday. Dana picked me up in the morning to surprise me with breakfast, balloons, a card, and a hug! Then I got to school and was surrounded by beautiful people all day. Amazing people who remember your birthday and those who forget...kinda funny...kinda strange...hehe. Then after school I went to Wendys and made a scene. That was fun. Then Tom, Sean, and Anna came over for a bit, and then I went to Youth Group...Caitlyn came with. I love her so freakin much!!!! It was a wonderful time. Very powerful. I had an intense discussion with God ... I cried a lot...it was a good cry. Much needed. I took a step forward. A good step..much needed..in the right direction. I had a very nice time with Ben as well. After we went to Steak and Shake and the group made me a card and they were super sweet. Very nice time. I appreciate them so much. Mwahs to all who made my birthday memorable and to those who remembered. It really meant a lot to me.

mmm...my week was alright last week. Minus me being sick :( ew. Oh well. I made the best of it.

This weekend:

Friday: drove around with Tim, Tom, and Sean, went to Genoa City to see Charley..lol..crazy memories. Umm..then went to that punk show..it was good. I liked the 66's but I guess they sucked that night? Then went to Wendys and then home...I body checked Sean and it was a lot of fun. It's wonderful not caring what you look like or what other people think of you. Who cares that I had no makeup on or that the rain made my hair crazy curly or who cares that I didn't change my clothes to go to the show. It's what made it me. I love my green coat.
Saturday: Slept in, woke up to make breakfast for Sean and I...then just hung around here. Went to Matt's. I missed him. *hug* Thanks Matt. It really made me happy to be around you again. Finally. Right? Hehe. YOU ROCK! Then...I picked up Kel and we came here..hung out here for a bit...then went I drove us to Fratellos for dinner and to visit Sy and Ben. Then we made it home barely in time to go see The Forgotten with Anthony, Alicia, Myles, Jess, and Kristin. A good movie. I also saw Matt, Mike, Mike, and Andy there...good guys...! Then after the movie we went to Stekl's for a bit...whatta nice house...very large...we had a good discussion about politics and then I had a conversation with Alicia. It was nice. Then Kel and I came home and I got my money together for the Autism walk. I raised $410. Go me! Hehe. For a good cause. Then I just listened to some music, and Kel and I talked until we both fell asleep.
Today: I woke up early and drove Kel home then went to Chain O Lakes to walk 6 miles for the Austism walk. I think about 20ish people walked and we all raised about $5000 . That's awesome! I feel good to say that I raised $410 of that. I didn't quite make my goal but I did feel like I made a difference. That's what counts. Six miles later I came home, and I picked up Sean...we watched Back to the Future with my mom and then Ben came over and we watched Breakfast Club and Edward Scissorhands. So it was a very movielicious day....good too because I am wiped. I also did my homework. Feels nice to have a relaxed day.

I love my friends a lot...

Dana...thank you.

Mom...I love you

Sisters-I miss you.

Dad-I still know more than you think about more than you think I know about...

Ready for a busy week??? I'm not...

Ready or not...here it comes...

Love you all.
Have a beautiful night with sweet dreams to fill your inner eye.

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 02:04:43 GMT

I was just thinking...

I really am ageless. I'm 2 when I want to be, or some have witnessed me to be quite old.

But leaving my fifteen year old skin behind is kinda sad...

Tomorrow really is a new day.

happy Birthday to me!

Tue, 28 Sep 2004 01:38:13 GMT

These are my last few hours as a fifteen year old, ya know. I know it's not going to feel much different as a sixteen year old..but still..it's a big turning point in my life. I get to be legally in control of a huge powerful automobile. Crazy, huh? I cleaned my room and my bathroom so tomorrow morning I can start fresh. Wonderful feeling. Tonight I'm also going to do some laundry, finish up my homework, go running and take a bath. At 12:19 tomorrow morning I will be officially sixteen. Whee!!!

I really wish I could spend my last night as a fifteen year old with my friends under the stars. Really. That would be the best way to recognize my sixteen years of existance on this earth. Too bad the stars are playing hide and go seek tonight. And too bad my friends aren't around tonight. Oh well. I'll spend it other ways. :)

Life is too beautiful to be upset about the little things. I realize this. I too often forget it. I love life. I love you.

I hope you all have a wonderful evening and if I don't get to see you because you are off in college or just aren't around town at all, give yourself a big hug for me!

I'm going to go cherish and reminisce about where I've come from and where I'm headed. I'm going to think of all the wonderful people in my life and thank God for these sixteen years so far.

XoXo,
EriN*

Sun, 26 Sep 2004 17:34:30 GMT

P.S.S. Thank you Ben for a wonderful evening. You're amazing........

Feels like I can finally rest my head on something real...

Sun, 26 Sep 2004 17:32:27 GMT

Two things to speak of.

One. For all of you who now know about my summer mistake...I'm sorry. If you don't know what it is, oh well. But just know that I regret it. All of it. Nothing good came out of it and I hurt somebody I love. Well, two people I love...well..three people I love. Me, Him and Her. I'm an idiot for not thinking of the consequences and being caught up in the moment. Just please dont think it was all me, because it takes two to tango. I realize that it only takes one person to back away before the deed is done but...neither of us did. And for that, I'm sorry. I'm sorry like you can't even imagine. I know some of you are dissapointed in me, and I am in myself. I don't know what else I can say except that I am sincerely sorry. It's done and over with, I can't go back in time, and if I could, I would. But one good thing came out of it: It was a reality check on my morals...I cannot believe I caved. Never again for sure. I learned. I'm sorry...truely. I just have to accept the punches now.

Two. About last night. I had a wonderful evening at Homecoming...tryed really hard not to let everything that has blown up in my face the past two days get to me. I just tryed to block it out of my mind because I didn't want to ruin my dates night either. So...he came to my house and we took pictures. He looked so handsome. Then we went to Outback Steak House before the dance. Mmm...delish. I didn't get steak, lol, at a steakhouse, haha, I wasn't feelin it. But I did get some mmm food. Haha. Thennn at the beginning of the dance he didn't dance but a little later he did and I was extremely happy. Thank you Megan D...whee. I had a really good time. I'll always remember the look in his eyes when we were slow dancing though...*sigh*...very cool. Bill and Alex...aww...she looked beautiful..he looked handsome...I loved it! Finally...they are official. Bout time! Sherri looked amazing...it was ..wow. :) Anna was crazy!!! Dana..........awww...! Caitlyn...wow...she looked so beautiful!!! LOVED the dress! Ann and I had a blast...ta ha...and she looked beautiful as well!!! Amanda and Courtney hehe...so cute! Everybody looked amazing. Very beautiful dresses. Anyway...after a night of dancing and drinking way too much punch (lol..tummy hurt)...we went back to my house for a minute and then to Seans. Hung out there...then took Ben home...then I went back to Seans and he walked me home at one. ...then I talked on the phone a bit and feel really naucious... then went to sleep.

Woke up at noon today...yay...

keepin my head above the water,
EriN

P.S. Fuck what people said about me the other night that i got so worked up about. They aren't worth it. I'll be who I am...and that's alright with me...if it's not with you...don't come by me. Simple as that. ignore me. I don't need your shit if you don't.

Fri, 24 Sep 2004 04:33:21 GMT

"i don't remember a time when eriN was so upset by the things that everyone else thought of her. The EriN that i know enjoyed just about everything...all the time...at least made an attempt at it. Be the bigger person and brush it off. Move on... and enjoy the time that you spend in Johnsburg....as hard as it may be to understand...you'll miss it so much when its gone."

Sometimes I forget to stop and think of the people who actually matter. Thank you Hero. I miss you so much.

Everything that goes up has to come down

Fri, 24 Sep 2004 04:26:20 GMT

My eyes are stinging.

...I guess I just don't notice what I'm doing wrong...

I'm a slut remember

Fri, 24 Sep 2004 04:16:50 GMT

Good night.
Congrats to Liz and Willie on homecoming king and queen. Whee!!!

Soo I had a really really good night...fireworks were good. Bens amazing. Definately a memory of holding one of my best friends and my boyfriend at the same time...singing...dancing...dah..good times.

Then he came over and we just layed on my trampoline and talked.

Soo...
According to Josh Iwanski I'm getting a bad rep because I went streaking and I "gave Ben blowjobs already". Kinda funny. He said I went running naked through town...riiightt...really I went not even halfway down a road..and thats it. I get a bad rep for that when I know plenty of people who do so much worse stuff than I do...like 50 times worse! But I'm supposed to be a "good little christian girl." ...no comment to that one. Oh and by the way, Ben and I have only kissed. I had the drama of this fucking town. This town is full of eyes but I can't look at anyone, they've seen this face a thousand times. FUCK JOHNSBURG. Three years and counting. It's not like I have a lot of real friends here anyway. Everybody is so fucking two faced. I'm ready to get outta here.

I've got a big fat fucking bone to pick with you, my darling. In case you haven't heard...I'm sick and tired of trying.

I'm not who you want me to be. Nor am I who my parents want me to be. I'll never be good enough for him. But I am who I want to be...and that's what counts. I'll never make anybody else happy because nobodys ever satisfied. I'm my only constant friend. My future. My shadow.

Tears fill to the brim of my eyes as I slowly watch the clock tick time by...by and by...bye bye was said again...again this happens to me. Again I go unnoticed. Unnoticed he didnt notice the silent tears screaming down my cheek...but do they ever notice them? Silent tears are the unspoken words to you I'll never say.

What A Beautiful Day!

Thu, 23 Sep 2004 22:52:15 GMT

Things have been good lately. Yesterday was...Wednesday...I went to the mall...picked up last minute items for the dance on Saturday. Everybody will look so beautiful and handsome...I'm excited!

For all of you who don't have dates: Go make memories! Have a blast! Boogie!!! Who cares if you are going stag...it's the cool thing to do this year it seems. Looking beautiful is even more beautiful independently!!! You're always garunteed a date...!!! YOURSELF. I think that's the best date anybody could ever have...make the most of it.

For all you who have dates: Have a blast! Dance a lot, laugh a lot, share a lot of memories!!! Don't forget about your friends or your date...balance!

Dance like nobodys watching because it's homecoming...let loose!!! I am looking forward to seeing everybody!!!

Mr. Ben Young sent me ten carnation flowers today...well he sent them Tuesday and they got to me today..(the whole flower system is backed up). Thank you babe!!! It was extremely nice of him, and definately unneccissary...but appreciated anyway! He's too good to me.

School went alright, poms went okay, and tonight should go good as well.
I'm looking forward to seeing all those college students coming back to Jtown for the weekend! WHEE!! I MISS YOU ALL! For those of you who couldn't make it back...I'll keep on missin you and we'll think of you!!! (Sarah and Jess and Emily...you're thought of often!) Get ready for a blast of a weekend everyone...

-------An emotion I experienced today I haven't in a long time. I wish I could describe it to you ...but I'm having a difficult time finding the right words...so I'll try later....

I must go do stuff before I have to go to the pep rally...hope to see you all there @ 7!!!
I love you all so much and appreciate you. Have a beautiful night!~!

Happy Birthday Marilou!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 20! WOOWWWW!!! Old fart...yet young smell. ;) haha. Don't forget to wish her a good one! XOXOOOXOXOXOXO

.....my bday is in five days...wheeeee

Love ya,
RIN*

Dreaming in a bubble

Thu, 23 Sep 2004 22:41:21 GMT

As I sit here in this lonely brown chair (I say lonely because it's the last of it's kind) listening to the sweet lullaby of country (Yes..I am a country girl) the thought of last year is weighing heavily on my mind. I try not to compare this year to last because then I can't appreciate this year for what it is, but it's difficult at times like these when I see people going to rehearsal for the fall play, or how tonight is the homecoming pep rally, and tomorrows the game...Saturday the dance. I think about last year a lot lately. I remember at the pep assembly during school when my cute big little sister won the musical chairs thing and then got up in her squeaky excited voice and said, "Good things come in small packages" with a huge proud grin wiped across her face. I'm glad she won, ya know. She didn't expect to win, she just had fun with it. And because her heart was in the right place...she won. And deserved it. Or...last year at this time I had just gotten done with rehearsal and then went to the Cairns house for dinner and scooted off to the pep rally and fireworks with them. My sisters face of surprise when the snake jumped out of the peanuts can last year is engraved in my mind...and when I jumped the fence (got in trouble for that one..) just to hug her! After that I cuddled up with Bill and watched the fireworks. What a good time. I remember the dance so clear too. Bill came here for pictures and we went to Nikaleenos (spelling lol) for dinner..with like 14 other people! Then Ben and Lou drove us to the dance where we boogied! haha. Bill and I didn't dance by our friends though because Jimmy kept stepping on my feet :( haha. Then we all went to Bills house and we jumped on the trampoline, some ppl went in the hottub, there was a fire, etc. It was really nice. At 12:19 AM they lit off 15 fireworks because I had turned 15 years old right there at Bills house...that was amazing. Lou hated me...and I wore Bens jacket and that made her mad too..haha...man...how times change. I'm sure this year will be just as amazing and memorable...but different.

This time last year...I grew a lot closer to the people I spent the whole year with...and they became my family...it was amazing. So many good memories, discussions, hugs, laughs, you name it, I felt it. Beautiful time of my life never to be forgotten. Thanks you guys...a lot. :)

So why am I sitting here babbling on and on about my last year when I need to appreciate today as it is? Well...I do appreciate today for what it is. Plus, if I remember where I came from...it helps me to stay strong to where I stand today. I grew up a lot last year...and I don't want to grow backwards...only forward...I'm only a half bloomed flower...and with every day I want to bloom a little bit more.

Dang foo!!! Life is beautiful.
Cherish it.
Love it.
Live it.
Imagine.
Dream.

See you all at the pep rally, right?!????

Homecoming 2004. Another great time to appreciate!

Wed, 22 Sep 2004 04:11:09 GMT

Game plan for the week...

---Tomorrow...school..in school pep assembly..poms practice..SpringHill Mall for final items for Saturday...if home in time, to Caitlyn's Youth Group (doubtful this week ...sorry!)
---Thursday...school...poms...pep rally at night with fireworks @ the highschool...
---Friday...school...dance set up...the game...whoo!!!!!
---Saturday...morning dance set up...workout...chill with Anna...hair appt. at 1 I think..hers is directly after me with the same person and what not, so we're going together...coming home...getting ready...pictures..dinner..(up in the air still for those final plans) and then boogie it down at the dance...
---Sunday...resting...homework if any...cleaning...working out...raising money for the Autism walk on Oct 3...

I think thats the game plan...
...busy huh. hehe

...dream and love

Wed, 22 Sep 2004 03:09:31 GMT

Hey everyone. Just got back from Youth Group. A good time. The message: God speaks through many things.... It was a good message...good timing too. It hit the spot. Anyway, they gave us time to just relax afterward and Ben and I just chilled up in the loft and talked. I swear, just when you think you know the person so well, you learn something new. I love getting to know him more and more everyday. Draws me closer.

Today was alright. I hate how people talk behind peoples backs though. Most definately. I know I do it as well, but I try not to ruin anything of the other persons... somebody today was talking to Ben and Sherri about me and him..and it really made him think...it upset him...and when I found out, upset me too. I hate the way people talk...dishonesty...whats it do? Ruin. I can't tell him what to believe, but I told him to trust. Somebody like her won't come between us. No way. But is it neccissary???? For somebody to do that????? Ugh. Ehfar. Makes us stronger.

...took a nap...didn't have homework...went to Youth Group...

Now I'm going to get ready for tomorrow, Anna may stop by, I'm going to write some...and hopefully I'll get on off to bed early...

Sweet dreams.
Love always,
EriN*~*

Tue, 21 Sep 2004 03:50:31 GMT

Sooo...my weekend...

Friday...the game went well...good times with Ben...friends...the pom squad sucked int he beginning but we had a good half time performance. We'll be doing an entirely different style dance for homecoming, too. I walked home at 1030 because my sister was going to be home. She got home...stayed up talking for a while...then I crashed because I was sick and beat.

Saturday...woke up early...went to Woodfield...didn't find a damn dress...sososoo many stores...nothing. Got some other cute clothes though. Was a good time. I missed Emily soo much. There was a point in the car where we were both silent and I just enjoyed her presence. I love her soo much. ANyway...then I came home...went to floatbuilding...then home for dinner...Anna too...then...we went to Sherris...and thennnn...Anna Em and I went to Meijer to get blank cds (we saw tom, sean, n matt)...and then to Baskin Robbins...back home...we fell asleep...

Sunday...woke up...Anna said she was going to be too tired for church..that sucks...but then we woke up, ate breakfast, I went driving, she left...Emilys last few hours...*tear*...Kel came over...tried on dresses...Kel n I hung out..then I went to her house...hung with her and the guys...good times...went to Subway...went home...Bill and I went to Steak n Shake...caught up on latest news in both our lives...then came to my house where he helped me decide on homecoming dresses...then we just talked...it was nice...I missed him..it'd been a while since it was just us two talking..i love having him as my best friend. then i was up online talking to ben c for a bit and then the moon swept me off to bed.

Today was pretty good. School happened. Yeap... haha...i wore my fucking awesome bob marley shirt...it rocked! haha..sent Ben a flower at lunch...:) yay. Had poms...went over our dance for Fridays game...tomorrow we'll work on formations. Then..I came home..cleaned...hung with Sean...did homework..now I'm just chillin in a clean house, doing laundry, doing some homework. I'm so tired yet so restless. But I'm happy. Makes no sense. I wrote something today and I'll post it at another point...promise. I also came up with a great idea...and I'm excited to start it..for new forms of writing...yay!!!

Tomorrow I've got poms after school and then Youth Group Crosstown ... those are my plans.

I'll catch ya all on the flipside.

Hope you all can dream well tonight.
Goodnight moon.
(EriN<<))

He's got the most unbelievable green eyes I've ever seen...

Fri, 17 Sep 2004 20:14:20 GMT

So I haven't written all week. Sorryyyyyyy.....

My week in a nutshell:

Monday:I can't remember what I did...lol sry

Tuesday: Came home from school...went driving into town...dropped off my poms uni's to get taken in and pleated...stopped at Oberweis to get a smoothie...came home, called Ben, went to Bens, ate dinner over there and hung out with him. Oh...we watched a movie but kinda not really because Sy him and me talked the whole time lol. Then I went to their Youth Group: Crosstown. It rocked!!! Another amazing night there. Then I came home and did some homework. Sleepy time.

Wednesday: Poms...then I dont remember what I did.........wow...sorry if it was something important...must not have been...lol

*Either Monday or Wednesday I went out to icecream with the Bill, his mom, and little brother...*

Thursday: Poms then when I got home Sherri and I ate salad and Zach and Ben showed up and we hung out and talked with them...then we all, and Will, went to see Napolean Dynomite...wow...it was so stupid but funnnnnnny! I loved it! Then I came home and cleaned a little bit...started to study...but fell asleep.

Today: Went by quickly. Shortened periods for the assembly at the end of the day...homecoming kickoff! But I had three tests...didnt do so hot on two of them but aced the other...I think...I'll keep you posted. The teachers wrapped up for the most part what we had been working on because they know that next week we wont learn much except that everday is a great day to be a skyhawk (aww i miss that lol). But anyway...thenn we had the pep assembly...we danced at half time..lol...homecoming court was interesting...go Ben Fred!!! Haha...umm....now I'm home. I have to be at the h/s by five so I can get ready for the game that we're performing our hip hop routine for poms at halftime! See you all there!!!!!

Plans for the weekend:

Sat-Emilys coming home. We have a date to go shopping and out to eat and whatnot...so tomorrow is an EMILY DAY!!!

Sun- Church...then chill around the house...get stuff done...relax...unless something comes up...

Who knows.
Give me a jingle if ya want.

xoxo
EriN***

P.S. Thank you for the post Caitlyn...I will look into that on Wednesday...sounds like fun...I'll let you know. I appreciate the offer. :)

Mon, 13 Sep 2004 01:40:19 GMT

Hey there....

So I didn't get anything done. Instead Ben came over...we hung out..watched a movie...talked...the usual. Jessa n the girls came running over and I saved their day and then they wouldnt let go of me and kept depansing me...very funny...not! LoL. But Ben left not too long ago and I think I might go to bed early. Whee...

GOodnight moon.
(EriN((*

His smile made my day

Sun, 12 Sep 2004 20:22:04 GMT

Hey...haven't updated in a long while...so here goes!

Friday:
---Ben and I walked to my house after school and then I drove me him and my mother to Borders so I could get Erin W's birthday present and I bought Ben a book and we went back to my house. Him and I went for a walk down to the pond and talked there for a bit and then went to the red white n blue park where we teetertottered and climbed and then I tied his shoelaces together and pushed him lol then we just ended up laying in the grass talking and stuff. Then my parents came and picked us up and we went out to eat with the 'rents and Sci and Jessika...to The Knoll...MMM...first time he had fetucinni alfredo and a kiddie cocktail (what?! mmm) hehe. Soo then we just came back to my house and waited for his parents to pick him up..and he was off. Thenn...I talked online for a bit and then took a nice relaxing bath in the dark with just a candle and DMB on...*sigh*. It was beautiful. I also talked to Josh D on the phone and Jen P (Jen..I'm here for you..I love you..everything happens for a reason..we'll stick together..and you'll be fine!) And even Chris for a bit. Then Bill called when I was just falling asleep and wanted to stop by so I woke up and came downstairs to let him in about 12 lol...so we hung out, talked, watched tv, etc. Then I creeped up to bed where I fell alseep instantly. No more VLS for Ben. We're going to homecoming together :)YAYYY. I'm so happy about that one. AND, the official title is between us now (yes, he is my boyfriend). Woo.

Saturday: Woke up at 11:30 (damn that felt good..) and got showered for my meeting. I went and now we're onto our next step of my trip to Europe next summer...it sounds like a blast. I hope I get to go. Thenn...went to Erin W's party ...hung out there with Bremmer, Daniels, Sean, Tom, and Dev. It was cool. I left with Devin and Tom for a bit though and we visited Ben at work. He didn't see me come in so I snuck up behind him and tickled his sides. He turned around with the "what the hell?!" look on his face but saw it was me and gave me the biggest cutest grin ever. Made my day. Then went back to Erin's house...woo! Erin and Ashley hung out with us too. Josh a bit too. Good stuff. I left kind of early though because I had no other ride besides Tom and so I had to go. We went to my house, hung out, watched Field of Dreams, ate popcorn n Wendys. Crazy night afterward. Walked Sean, Bremmer, n Daniels to Sean's house and then Bill stopped by and we hung with him for a bit. And after that...Dev and I talked and fell asleep to a Keith Urban dvd around 3 am.

Today: Woke up at 8:15 for church. Went to church and then walked home to get ready for the parade. Went to the h/s...sat on Aisha's dads truck for a long time through the parade...threw candy...got waves, smiles, sunburnt. Haha..was down at Slauphin Spiel for a bit but then left because it was bloody hot and I have stuff to do before school tomorrow. Just going to do some homework tonight, clean the room and bathroom a little...straighten up the house some...make some calls...write some letters..work out..we'll see. But for now, I'm out.

Gimme a jingle...I should be home...but Bill just called and wants me to go over to Slauphin Spiel but I doubt I'm going. Priorities. And I really don't want to.

Love yaz!!!~!!!
-EriN
Have a beautiful night!

blabber on me.

Fri, 10 Sep 2004 01:36:32 GMT

Wednesday was good...actually lemme rephrase that...it was amazing. During school...went well...nothing bad happened. Then went to poms...did yoga...danced...remained in high spirits...then my mom picked me up and I drove us to Fox Lake to do some grocery shopping. Mmm! Drove us home...then found out that Blast was at seven...so I made some quick phone calls...went and picked up Erin..and we were off. Blast is the Christian Youth Group in Spring Grove...it rocked!!! I used to be a total church goer and then one day...I just stopped. I missed it...a lot. I mean I still believed and what not...and I still prayed and yadda yadda but like my parents like to sleep in and whelp, Sundays are a day off so they just dont drive me often...and I don't wake up often...but anyway...I missed it. I missed the atmosphere, the positive attitudes, the messages, discussions, etc. It was amazing. Seriously. The people were so nice, and Ben was there...*sigh*. Dude, it's effed up. This summer...a little into the summer I started crushing on him...and then I pushed it away because I hadn't seen him....and the feelings went away...and I had some other drama intertwined...dah...and then I saw him again...and I remembered why I had a crush on him before. As we talked more and hung out more I liked him more and more...and more..and that's where I stand right now. I like him. Anyway...back to the Youth Group...so it was amazing. The songs that were sung by these amazing people were powerful..like I could feel the power..and the passion in it all..it was awesome. I'm sorry that I'm babbling on and on about this (especially to you Atheists out there) but last night was AWESOME! I had always talked about going but never felt right going (sad to say) and finally I went last night...i wish I had started giong along time ago. anyway..dudes i cant describe how cool i felt last night. dude...dahh...you shoulda just felt it...it was wonderful. Ill stop blabbering I promise in a second. But let me tell you...I missed what I felt and what I felt last night...like cleared everything up for me. It sounds so cliche to be like, "God cleansed me" but like last night I got to just think about everything important to me...and i felt so relieved at the end of the night. I never really got to share that side of me with anybody but Kristina before...and I shared it with Ben...it was kinda cool...because a lot of people dont appreciate that type of thing like I do...dah...I'm sure you all dont care but it was a FREAKING AMAZING NIGHT.
I came home...ate dinner finally...did some homework..looked for workout tapes for the pom squad..talked to Anna and went to bed at about 12:30...woke up bright n early for picture day today. Blah. It was a good day minus the damn freshmen testing...had to carry lots of books...(screw that. those damn testers can gimme a back massage anyway) hehe. just kidding...i remember it for me. but anyway...good day...good poms...did pilates n kicklines n learned the school song...and danced...came home...talked to Ben...sean came over...plans for tonight: stop procrastinating this paper...finish it...(american lit)...take a bath and read myself off to dreamland.

this weekend:
friday-hang w/ben
saturday- meeting and erins party
sunday-slauphin spiel parade.

gimme a jingle but it looks like this weekends booked.

ttyl all.

i love you .

mwah
xoxo

---eriN

I'm a question without the answers

Wed, 08 Sep 2004 02:30:37 GMT

Today was a good day. Why you ask? Why not I answer.

Was late to first hour (thanks Bill...hehe). Second hour had a CARES meeting. Third hour Alex and I laughed a lot. Fourth and Fifth hour we did a really easy experiment and Lola and I got to converse. Sixth hour was cool, took notes, found out grades, then went to lunch where I dropped Writing for Media and took a study hall for first semester (I'll be back in it Second semester.) and ate PB and J. Mmm. Listened to music. Was good. Eighth hour, back to geometry where we just worked on homework...was cool cuz Ms. Hutt allows us to listen to our music (ROCK ON TO YOU MS. HUTT!) . Nineth hour was boring. Tenth hour was okay...drivers ed...easy. Then I went to the CARES meeting in the LC, and to auditions. I didnt do too good at auditions...I had Toni Simmons still in me ..heheh...but my heart isn't in this play so I really dont care if I dont make it. I kind of dont want to actually...oh well. Then I went to Wendys with Bill...we talked over some good food...mmm! Then I came home, went running, then Bill picked me up to go to Jimmy Johns for subs and then to Oberweis for icecream with Alex, Anna, and Ryan...but I didn't eat....I did homework...and then I came home and did some homework, and now I sit here catching up in my journal...and then I just have to do my American Lit rough draft. So I better go get started so I can do some situps and get to bed early because I'm sleepy.

Sweet dreams all.

Have a beautifully musical night.
xoxo
*EriN

So the glass has nothing in it.

Mon, 06 Sep 2004 19:38:50 GMT

So. I feel I need to write about a few things I've tiptoed around lately. This week I haven't been myself. I haven't been the honest person I know I am inside. I haven't been the bubbly happy-go lucky Erin I was over the summer. I haven't been genuine. And I know the many of you that I have hurt, or have confused, are asking why. I think it is important that I answer that the best I can. I have called most of the people I hurt worst or approached them differently to appoligize. But this is for anybody else who asks how are you and I said okay. And only okay. This is why.

First off...this whole drama about Alicia Ben and I. I did tiptoe around it...as I didn't want it to become the drama it is. I didn't want it to blow up and out of proportion like it did. I didn't want the things said and done this week to happen. I wish I could earase it, but I can't. So I will learn from it. I thought, and Anthony thought, that Alicia was his date. Therefore I thought I'd do something nice for me and for the people who wanted Ben at the dance by asking Ben to homecoming. As friends. I guess Anthony and I were wrong though and Alicia wasn't his date and she wanted to ask Ben. Had I known that, she could have asked him. I only wanted to go as friends with him. I like Ben Young. She could have gone right ahead, after all it is her senior homecoming, they did date and the reason they broke up was college so it was nothing massive, and the reason I asked him would have been taken care of: Just to have him there. To have him around. Whelp, she got upset. I told her that if she didn't want me to go with him that I wouldn't. She told me that she wanted me to go because she didn't want to stand in the way. Subliminal message: I really am hurt that you two are going, but I don't want to be a bitch and say you can't because I don't have the grounds. I HONESTLY wanted an answer. I wanted her to tell me , "No, EriN. Don't go with him." Because, well, Alicia DID have the grounds to do that. She is my friend. Friendship has that power you realize. Well...until I knew what I was going to do for sure, I kept quiet. I didn't say a word to anybody unless they asked and usually I responded with, "I dont know." I didn't want to say anything yet. But she was so upset that she told many a people and cried and the whole nine-yards. It was my fault for making her that upset. I did wrong. After all, I did ask him. But everything back-fired anyway. Because I kept quiet, people thought I didn't care, people thought that I simply disregarded her pain overflowing her eyes. It wasn't like that at all. I didn't want to wrap other people up in the drama that should never have occured. But now, too many people are wrapped up in it, the drama did occur, and there's nothing I can do now except appoligize for something that never should have been and never will be. I'm sorry everybody. And I'm sorry for everyone dragged into this.

Second off...I've tried fixing things that I shouldn't even bother approaching. I've been a pest it seems. I tried. I failed.

Third off...I'm trying to see things half full, I'm trying to keep a smile on my face, I'm trying to keep my head above the water. I'm drowning in my own tears though. I'm failing again and trying to be happy. Because I'm not. And as much as people say, "I'm here if you need anything." I hate to be a bother. But lately by not saying anything and whining about unneccisary things, I've been a bigger bother than ever.

Fourth off...I've been irrational about everything. And over dramatic now that things have piled up. I'm sorry for being niave and a teen.

These aren't excuses but they are simply just a hint as to a possible source of why I'm so deep in my hole.

...I'm sorry...
And if this doesn't effect you, I still feel I owe an appoligy.
And for those of you I've already talked to, Thank you for being so understanding.

-------------------------------------------Tomorrow's a new day.

Mon, 06 Sep 2004 17:18:53 GMT

Okay...so yesterday Kel and Anna were here...Kel told me to have Ben ride his bike over, so Ben Y came over...and Luke stopped by. Kel got mad and walked home... (?)
So Ben, Anna, and I went on a nice walk and then to the park where we swang...swinged...???what is it supposed to be???...anyway...then we teetertottered, and even threeway teetertottered (there were two teetertotters and ben was on two...and anna and i were on the others...it was great). Then we walked to my house, looked at pictures on my computer, and ate pizza. Good fun. Jolly good time. Haha...then I talked to him on the phone and Anna was online...thennnn Anna and I had a crazy time talking to Sean and then...two naked boys showed up to my window just as we were settling down to sleep. Seriously. Two naked boys came to my window. It was crazy. They went streaking and streaked right up to my window. Hilarious. Anyway...we stayed up and talked another hour (only Anna and I...not the boys..lol)...and then slept. I had to wake up early (after Anna made me stay up late)...while SHE GOT TO SLEEP IN!!! I went to work and mopped...dah...then I had to drive the huge Clifford around...the big red child molesting looking van...all in Mchenry with the construction and everything..ahh it was scary lol. I hate that van! We went to Pier 1 and picked up our dining room table and then I drove home and played with Sci. Anna finally woke up when I got home and now she sits upon the left side of me...worrying...! Dah! But anyway...plans for today are as follows. Chillin, relaxin, Chilaxin, homework, working out. Wooo. Party on.

I will probably write later.
EriN*

Good song!

Sun, 05 Sep 2004 14:51:36 GMT

I Will
by Beatles

Album : The Beatles (The White Album),Anthology 3

Who knows how long I've loved you,
You know I love you still,
Will I wait a lonely lifetime,
If you want me to I will.

For if I ever saw you,
I didn't catch your name,
But it never really mattered,
I will always feel the same.

Love you forever and forever,
Love you with all my heart;
Love you whenever we're together,
Love you when we're apart.

And when at last I find you,
Your song will fill the air,
Sing it loud so I can hear you,
Make it easy to be near you,
For the things you do endear you to me,
oh, you know I will.
I will.

Sun, 05 Sep 2004 14:45:13 GMT

Sean is a wonderful person and he needs to be recognized for it. He is one of my very best friends. I don't share important conversation with unimportant people. And him and I have intelligent important conversations. For all of you who thinks he follows me around, I think its the opposite way. After all, I am the one that begged him to come eat dinner with me the other night...yeah...I do think I follow him around..or at least beg enjoy being around him. I like his company. He's a wonderful guy. Everybody knows that. He just doesn't get recognized for it. You're one of those people that no matter what..you're top on my priority list...becuase you ROCK! I love you Sean. Thank you for being you.

Sun, 05 Sep 2004 14:40:23 GMT

SO I haven't written in a long time. I'll try to catch up from this week. Haha.
Towards the beginning of the week I had some pretty good days. Lots of homework. But I know Ben Y came over and we hung out. That was pretty cool. He's a gerat guy. *sigh* But anyway..don't really remember that long ago...sry
Tuesday-I went to DQ with Bill and Sean and then to the resale shop right there...then I came home..hung out with Sean...I went running...I had a kinda bad night...but then I went to Wings and had a good time...talked to Ben Y on the phone a lot...And I talked to my sister Anna and Ben C...was good stuff.
Wednesday-Bad day. Well actually good day with bad drama. I told Alicia that Ben and I are going to homecoming and I asked if she would be okay with it and stuff...and she started crying and yelling at me. Ugh. I held strong except shedding one tear because she made me feel so shitty. I didn't know she wanted to ask him. ANTHONY AND I BOTH THOUGHT SHE WAS GOING WITH ANTHONY! For once there wasn't drama on my end. Well Ben found out about it. ---Gureat. Poms went okay. Newspaper went bad. Just a crabby patty night for me. Talked to Ben Y on the phone.
Thursday-slow day. Had poms. Did homework. Drove for a while. Talked to Ben Y smore
Friday-School was okay. Decided I'm going to drop the newspaper..including my editor job...dah! Crazy ass story behind that one. Then I took Ben's bus home and hung out at his house...ate dinner there...then stayed there...Kel n Anna showed up and told me that I'm sleeping at Kels so I eventually drove home got my stuff together and drove to Kel's. We ... walked around the neighbor hoods...haha...then just chilled at her house.
Saturday- Woke up, ate, got showered...etc. Then Anna called her ma to come pick us up from Kels so we could get our stuff done and Ben C shows up! Whoa! Didn't know he was coming home this weekend...pleasant surprise. Then I went home...did laundry...got Bens present together...then Ben called...picked me up...we went to Anthonys for a little bit..on the way there is when he said it was best if he didnt' go with Alicia or me. So I'm out of a date now. Dude...that sucks. It would have been MY consequence...not his. I was willing to take it becuase for once i wanted to make myself happpy. I rarely get to do that...like do soemthing because I WANT TO. NOt somebody else. Nope. Somebody interferred again...and I'm left torn...again...oh well..I guess it gives me character. I didnt know she wanted to ask him...i already said something about this above...dude...if she wanted to go with him so bad she would have asked him earlier...but everyone thought that her and tony were going...whatever. No big deal. Life continues in the onward direction. ..And even with a smile on my face. Becuz why not?! Then...I had Bill drive me home because I didnt want to go to the Stekl's becuz I felt fairly out of place...and Bill wasn't going so he drove me home...he and I hung out for a while...we had a good talk...I really like talking with him. Then we wrestled and it was so funny. Yeah I kicked his ass! WOO! :-D Then Kel came over and we worked with her bangs..they look cute! THen Anna came over and all 4 of us decided to go to Fratellos to get some grub and Ben Y was working. Aww so cute in his red uniform...red hat...hehe...or maybe he was cute because of his smile...who knows. Either way it was a good feeling to see him after a weird afternoon. SO after that Bill dropped us gals off at my house cuz he had to run into town and stuff...I cleaned my room..Kel left at 10 and Bill picked Alex up at 10 then came over here...we just chilled for a lil bit..then went to Anthonys. Chilled there..watched some ping pong...music...food...it was a good time. Then after all the chicks left it was just me, anthony, bill, ben, jim, dave, and ted and we watched requiem for a dream. CREEPY! i fell asleep in moulin rouge. i wont tell you what time i came home. hehe.
Plans for today- I finally caught up on emails and just updated this. Rock on. I'm going to maybe clean the house up a bit and my bathroom a bit. I am going to do some reading and read the crucible. Start some homework. Do some laundry. Spend some time with myself. It'll be nice. gotta call the folks and see what their plan is...I kind of want to hang out with my mom on Monday...we'll see...gimme a jingle...
Sorry Cha that I didnt come up... I really wanted to!!! It would have been a blast! But there will be more weekends...right?~!
LOVE YOU ALL. Have a wonderful beautiful muscial afternoon and night if I dont talk to you.
xoxoxox

RiN

"How quick bright things come to confusion"
-A Midsummer Nights Dream